"I don't want to cry"
"Why am I crying about this"
"This shouldn't be making me cry"
"I'm planning not to cry today"
"Crying is for the weak"
These are direct quotes I hear in the therapy room, and the interesting thing is when I reflect these back to the client, they often comment on how harsh it sounds to speak to themselves like this or they are sad that they feel this way.
Childhood Messaging around Crying
We receive messages about crying from earlier in our childhood, Here are a few examples of how narrative's about crying can be created:
Being shamed or punished for crying by parents, peers or siblings.
Being shut down or told off when crying as a child or being told: 'stop crying', 'there is nothing to cry about' & 'I'll give you something to cry about'
Repressing emotions was safer than than expressing them
Crying was not a form of emotional expression in the family
Crying being seen as a form of weakness
You shouldn't cry in front of people
These messages impact our capacity to feel and express our authentic emotions in any given moment. Part of the work in the therapy room is about closely examining the conscious and unconscious beliefs and stories which may be keeping us from making contact with our most vulnerable self.
